Yes, I'm okay. No I am not okay.

I am safe. My family is safe. All of the people I care about are safe. My mom's hours flooded, but all of the dogs and cat and family is safe. I am okay.

I am not okay.
I feel like life has just steadily been throwing bricks at me since I graduated. Like I can't catch a break. And once it seems like life is running out of brings, a new truckload comes in. I'd like to be able to start building something out of those bricks but they're heavy, and there's so many piled on top of me. I can't move. I can't see. I can't breathe.
Why? What could I have possibly done that was so bad that I have deserved this shit?! ALL I HAVE EVER DONE IS HELP PEOPLE!!! And for what? To be taken for granted lied to, cheated on, be told, "I hate you" every single day? To be bullied my entire childhood? To be told that I'm nothing, have always been and will always be nothing, that I'm not good enough? To get stabbed in the back, betrayed, RAPED? To always be there for people when they need someone, and have no one there when I need it? To NEVER be treated with the same love and compassion that I pour into everything I do or say? To have a voice that is never heard?
You want to know why I don't believe in God?
Because WHO THE FUCK KILLS SIX (6!!!!!) Family members, a close friend, and two dogs all within TWO MONTHS?! And then makes you really sick, fail your semester,l? And then burns the house you grew up in, gives your grandmother a spinal tumor and has to have major surgery, gives your dad a rare genetic pancreatic disorder that could kill him, has to have major surgery that gives him an 80% chance of becoming diabetic, puts him out if work and mom behind on bills and then floods your mother's house?!?! Within 11 months?!?!
No fuck you! This is some sick joke, right? This can't be real. Maybe it's one of my numerous mental problems acting up again... Fuck dude.
Look, I don't complain about my life because I know it could be worse. And I constantly remind myself that there's always someone who has it worse. But fucking damnit I'm tired of this shit! I can only take so much before I completely crumble.
I'm fine.